ryo taking picture

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Hey! I decided to make my lj friends only from here on out! I suppose i don't mind anyone reading the entries that I have already posted as pubic... that way maybe new people can get to know me before they decide whether or not they want to be my friend!

I can be pretty random at times! hahaha! I might be a little insightful? hahahaha!

anyway! i think i might try to be more fangirlish? like make some icons or something... who knows... hahaha!

but anyway! it's always fun to have more friends! hahaha! see what goes on in the mind of a bimbo with ADD!!!

hahahaha!

weirdos!

just a thought.

if i were an animal, some one would put me out of my misery if i were wounded, right?

what if you're like that rough, beat up raccoon that is spotted every once in a while rummaging around that's been in plethora of tough situations and prob lost, but escaped with it's life every time? would you put that raccoon out of it's misery? or would you tell it that things will get better for it someday?



...just a thought...
tegoshi beach

i'll have one dokodemo door, please!

i want to say i wish i hadn't this, or i wish i hadn't that... it seems like my life is full of regrets.

it seems like i haven't lived a life that oscar wilde would really approve of. i suppose i have done a couple of things that lord henry would commend, but other than that it just seems like my life has been laid down upon back roads and detours. i never face anything straight forward. i never do anything brave. i want to do them, but i lack the brevity that is required for such lives. also i have these people called parents that keep me from doing anything they deem irresponsible. however i have somehow gotten away with being quite irresponsible. i think that the life i have made for myself (well until a couple of years into college it can be called the life that my parents have made for me) is quite irresponsible in that i have never done anything adventurous, or independent, or worth recognition.

going on detours makes one miss the big attractions in one's life. sure, you get to see some interesting things, or just the ugly back side of things. but this is just me wishing i was in the front and not the back. i will never fit in. i act weird and i look weird. i will never have the perfect group of friends. i have a few good friends from different times in my life. i'm sure those who i speak of will still be my friends 10 years from now, but there will never be a time when all of us will gather and we can reminisce on the good 'ol days.

i am a creature that craves support, togetherness, sponteneity, love, happiness...

it's gets exhausting to compartmentalize and lock away and be deprived of parts or all of these elements for so long.

sigh. that's all i feel like talking about now. i'm just tired. tired of trying to be something. i wish i already knew what i'm supposed to be. i wish i could find someone who appreciates that which i am supposed to be. and i wish it were soon.
  • Current Music
    good 'ol fashion nightmare - matt & kim
  • Tags
tegoshi art

meme from stephanie

 THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
o1. Kimberly
o2. Blondie
o3. Kim


THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
o1. Shizuka14
o2. DucDucGoose
o3. kimgogh

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
o1. my weird eye color...     merbee...
o2. um... i have a tan right now...
o3. i'm fat, but my boobs are still bigger than my waistline... ha...

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
o1. fat
o2. weird nose
o3. weird lips

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
o1. Japanese
o2. German
o3. Irish

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
o1. insecurity in being alone
o2. heights (not like flying but like standing on something up high...)
o3. being stared at and judged

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
o1. make up and hair products
o2. mango (my car)
o3. my cellphone, danny

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
o1. white button up shirt with shirring in front and back and raised white polka dots
o2. light jeans
o3. navy blue, green and white striped flip flops

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
o1. NewS
o2. Leah Dizon
o3. idk... i like all kinds of music...

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):
o1. Tegomasu - Bokura no Uta
o2. Leah Dizon - Love Sweet Candy
o3. Yui - Summer Song

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
o1. a sense of ease: to not worry how i have to act or what i say
o2. humor: i can't not laugh
o3. romance: i just want to be thought of and remembered...

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
o1. i don't really know what i'm doing...
o2. i will live in japan someday...
o3. i think i'm the hotness...

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
o1. eyes
o2. laughing face
o3. hair

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
o1. laughing
o2. laying around outside looking at the sky and thinking
o3. shopping

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
o1. go outside
o2. go to Japan
o3. see all my friends

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
o1. cosmetic chemist
o2. flight attendant
o3. personal shopper

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
o1. europe... all of it. period.
o2. okinawa
o3. carribean

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
o1. yamapi... hahaha
o2. i really don't know... i never thought about it... and if i did, i've already forgotten...
o3. megumi... idk!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
o1. live in japan
o2. travel the world shopping and becoming cultured
o3. be happy and secure

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL (YOUR SEX):
o1. i hate bugs
o2. i have lots of shoes and will never stop shopping
o3. i cry in sad movies and scream in scary ones

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY (OPPOSITE SEX):
o1. i work on my car when i need to and when it's something that i can do myself
o2. i can use power tools... ?
o3. i drive like a badass

THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW: 
whoever wants to!
  • Current Music
    SEAMO - LOVE Missile
  • Tags
ryo taking picture

i feel bad for...

this really old guy that carries around this contraption that connects to tubes that he breathes from at his nostrils keeps coming by for rick across the hall and misses him most of the time! and he just hobbles away... sooo sad!!!! he doesn't seem very nice though... 
  • Current Music
    britney - i want you for the rest of my life
weirdos!

frik!!!!

i just had to get a frikin perimeter parking decal because i waited so frikin long to get one... frik frik frik!



hahahahaha! i am such an idiot for putting it off and forgetting about it!!!!!



oh well... it'll be an adventure parking out there! AND i'll actually be zoned to park at the rec! so no excuses that it's soooo far away! hahahhaahaha! 
  • Current Music
    kanjani8
  • Tags
ryo taking picture

i decided one thing...

i need a guy (and friends) who will hug me tight and not let go for a while... no matter how uncomfortable i may outwardly appear... it's just an automatic response that he'll have to sqeeze out of my system! (^ ^)

usually when i do hug people it's a side hug... you know? hahahaha! usually though... sometimes i don't care how awkward my boobs will be... but i usually do... hahahahaha!

that's all i've decided for now! (^-^) 
  • Current Mood
    thoughtful thoughtful
yamadiva

the way my brain works

i realize i do a lot of thinking when i'm driving...


i had a torturous lunch today with my mom... it started off with her cell phone being dead and me trying to tell her that newks was really crowded. we decided to go to eidelweiss when she got to newks... then she was mad about all of the traffic lights and she kinda gets in people's way everywhere we go. i'm always concious about getting out of others' way when i'm in public places... but i've noticed that a lot of people get in my way in japan... so maybe it's a culture thing... like... when you're at a grocery store... women just walk right in front of where you're looking without any notice... anyway... she kept trying to ask me about my grades and what i was going to do next year... then she suggested (again) that i take the gre and maybe the gmat... which would be dumb becuase i don't even want to go to grad school... and i haven't taken any business classes! i would die taking the gmat! then she asked if biochemistry was really that bad... and i told her that i don't want to spend the rest of my life in a lab... and she just kept repeating the same qestions and phrases over and over again... so i stared out the window half ignoring her once she got going...


i honestly don't know what i'm going to do next year. i know what it would be nice to do... but i don't know how i'm going to get there...


also... i've been thinking about what kind of person i am. i know i'm a people pleaser... but i've kinda given up trying to please my parents. now it's more like i have to try to not let them down so much... i like to make my closest friends happy by doing anything for them. that might make me kinda a pushover... then again, i can only do as much as i can until my parents get mad at me... whether it's going to hang out with them and i have to spend money... well it all involves money when it comes to my parents... i waste a lot of theirs and mine. all of my college years was a waste of theirs. my credit card debt was a waste of theirs and mine. bambam dying and getting mango was probably my fault... i know my dad is always mad because i use that car... i didn't do anything to break bambam... actually my dad physically broke bambam's radiator when it had broken down on me... the serpentine belt had broken at that time... and it was relatively new... but anyway! i'm getting off track!

i'm a people pleaser... but only to close friends. i am quite inconsiderate when it comes to others... i can be fake nice to people i don't even like... and i just realized that today is one "friend"'s birthday and i didn't get her a gift... we used to be closer though.. and we used to give gifts... but i just don't even care this year... is that bad? i always forget to tell people happy birthday... even when i notice that they have one... i put it off! what is wrong with me! unless it's to their face, then when i see them i say something... but on facebook... i let it slide a lot. maybe i'm not a very good people person... i tend to act quite stuck up in classes, esp when i don't know anyone...

i also feel sad when i'm left out or forgotten, but i don't let anyone know. i always act happy and fine in front of my friends. i know that some actually do worry about me and i don't want them to have to do that. hopefully when you see me in person i act normal and cheerful and you'll forget about all my crazy mental insecurities that i write in here!!!

*i just saw some dorky chem kids flirting out in the hallway and it made me sick*

i say mean things like this all the time and really have no right to!!! hahahaha!

also... i have a problem calling new close friends "best friends" hahahahaha! silly right! it's not that i'm afraid of putting labels on relationships or whatever... it's me being stupid and afraid that the friend doesn't feel that close to me! hahahahaha! i can openly, comfortably call 2 people my best friends... hahahaha! 


aaaand... i know friends say this like all the time... i can't really tell anyone that i love them without feeling awkward... hahahahahaha! not even the friends that i can openly say are my bestfriends!!!! hahahahahaha!!! i say it to my parents... because it's habit... i've said it since i could talk probably... but anyone else... well... i told princess that i loved her... hahahaha! i can say i loooove shoes! hahahahaha! anyway...

i've got to get to work...

sorry to everyone that actually read this! it was probably boring or disturbing or both!
  • Current Mood
    amused amused at myself... ha!
tegoshi beach

meiru conai to fuandayo!

hahahaha! i'm gonna be saying that a lot this summer when one person that i text like allllllll the tiiiiiiime will be in a freakin forein country! hahahahaha!


ah well! i'll just text other people more! yayayay!


it's starting to feel like summer!!!! i have a tan! thanks to a little buddy inviting me to the beach!!!! the air is so warm and nice! i loooove it! it feels like i'm being hugged by the sky! hahaha! i don't even care about the humidity when i wear my hair curly! it feels nice and comforting to me. kinda reminds me of lazy days in katsuura or down on the gulf sitting at the bow of the sail boat... it just feels good.


when i don't think about anything i think i'm perfectly happy! so i'm going to forget about all the mess that i'm in right now and enjoy my day at work! no deliveries of any kind because all the vendors and shippers are closed! yay! i think i'll take this time to watch dramas and catch up on fangirling!
  • Current Music
    leah dizon!